Hey there True Believers,
Well well, I suppose this is where I will begin. I usually get free dinners and meals when I tell stories. Perhaps I'll put up a wishlist and you can feel free to send things to me if your amused in anyway. (Don't worry, I don't expect that.)
Today I went into work, let's not call it work, let's call it a massive inconvenience. Don't get me wrong, I love my workplace, I love my job, hell I'm even happy sometimes to go to work. Ahh yes, the bumbling masses, the busy trophy brides that bustle about with armfuls of Macy's bags, hair perfectly primped from "Goulds" and expecting me to take care of their children. "It's ok son, hang out with the nice Gamestop man, re-arange his store, ask him tons of obvious questions that he neither has the time nor the patience to deal with and I'll be back in an hour *gleeful laugh* I'm gonna run up your daddy's platinum card, hell we can't be almost out of debt!" Yeah mom, I'll take good care of your kid for you, hey kid, do you like Video Games? Have you ever heard of Grand Theft Auto? How about "Hot Coffee"?
For those of you who don't know, recently, Gamestop and several other chains of Video game retailers (EBX you don't count, we own you...) last week, pulled all their copy's of Rockstar Productions testosterone pumping game, Grand Theft Auto, San Andreas, from their shelves. After a recent code discovered and placed on the internet, allowed gamers and viewers to see and take part in a sex scene on the video game, Angry Parents and dangerously low sperm count law makers decided to take action. Now, before you think that I'm a trashy pig who thinks that sex scenes on video games are cool, give me a moment.
How amazingly desperate and sad is someone who finds fullfilment and companionship in the gyrating motions of a pixelated female. No wait Jim, I think she loves me, my L2 button told me so! To start with, Grand theft auto is an amazingly simple minded and ignorant game. I believe I lost IQ points partaking in gameplay that reminded me of the worst of the worst Dolemite or Rudy Ray Moore movies. Hmm, stealing cars, shooting the law, picking up a hooker when things are down for a health top off then beating the hell out of her to get my money back are several things that the educated game player has to look forward too in this Urban Masterpiece. Rodger Ebert gave it...well...I think he's too busy eating a bucket of chicken and waving gang signs right now to comment. Hold on, let me get my grape soda so I can fit right in.
Now,before you tight lipped citizens raise the flag to rally behind me, I got something to say to you. Most of you were outraged that your children were being subjected to this trash. Blame yourself you self loveing sico-fantic sons of bitches. There is a rating on the game. Any self respecting parent would bother to look at it before you purchase the game for little Timmy, or little Shakwan, whatever side of railroad track you come from. In this growing market of entertainment, Video Games are not just for children anymore. Grown ups play Video games to take their minds off of the things that make their day, well...grown up. Use your best judgement, if you see a video game cover displaying a buxom whore with a lollypop in her mouth asking for a ride, you could either; 1) pay me $54.61 (tax inculded) and you could partake in this, or... 2) decide that you'd rather buy John Madden 2006, which you can also reserve from me for a measly $5.00 down.
To be perfectly honest with you true believers, I don't care what side your on. How many protests you throw, or how you argue it's your right to play what you will, as long as you take the responsibility for your actions. Can you grasp that the land of video games is not the land of reality? Can you realize that it takes a massive market of different tastes to ensure that game programers have a job, that variety is the spice of life. Behind us are the days of leaping over mushrooms and gathering coins to rescue a princess that manages to get herself kidnapped more often than not. But then again, maby those days arent gone. What matters is that you get your kid out of my store ok?
Love it. Over at pvponline DOT com, Kurtz is addressing the issue. I have to agree, parents bitch about KILLING the hooker but get up in arms and have the game pulled because you can BANG the hooker. People need to start getting their priorities straight and that begins with paying attention to what your kid plops down on the counter. I mean, you won't buy him the high sugar snack because of the dental bills but you will get the Mature video game to shut him up for a few hours over the summer. These parents are so wrapped up in their happiness that they let the TV babysit way too often. Then they have the audacity to get upset that little Jimmy saw something he shouldn't have. And they decide that "in the best interest of the children" all copies of the game should be pulled regardless of the 1st amendment. I am an adult. I will decide what I will and will not pay money to play.
These people want to be able to call themselves a parent without actually doing any parenting. Then, when people who have no kids complain we get the speech about how parenting is sooooo hard. Well of course it is hard. You are responsible for the physical and mental welfare of another human being. That is what being a parent is about. Getting the government to do your job for you kind of takes the title of Mommy or Daddy away from you. I have an idea, go and read or, since you are too "busy", rent A BRAVE NEW WORLD or 1984 and see what can happen when the government mass produces the next generation. That may give you a whole new perspective.
Honestly, the reason it was pulled was because Parent A couldn't trust Parent B not to let A's kid play the game when A and B's kids got together. So kid A had to stay home or have B come over to his house. This ruined A's me time. Out of this selfishness Parent A decides if I can't have a good time neither should anyone else especially the childless adults for whom this game is intended. It isn't morality or ethics that got this game pulled. It's selfishness. Which is really short sighted as nothing shoots up a game's popularity like a little controversy.
I have an idea, maybe your store should hang a sign that says UNDER 16 MUST BE ACCOMPANIED BY PARENT OR LEGAL GUARDIAN. When the parents start to complain, say that this is done "for the children." Maybe then we can force these parents to be parents.
Posted by: Gina at August 1, 2005 10:35 AMGood job bro!
Check out this rant on it.
http://maddox.xmission.com/c.cgi?u=ticket_to_hell
-Joe